Catching Up
I've debated on trying to start blogging again for the past couple of weeks. I love writing and expressing myself, but I've wondered if this is something I truly want to devote my time to. The answer is simple. I am not sure. This may be the last post I ever make. I may never stop consistently blogging. I don't know what will happen in the future. All I know is, I have grown so much in the past few months, and if there is one thing I have learned, it is to slow down and listen to what I need.
I became depressed again towards the end of March. It came out of nowhere, as it usually does, and I started to rely heavily on the few people that made me happy...and alcohol. I haven't had a drink in almost three weeks at this point. Well, it's been 18 days. When I feel overwhelmed, I want to go to the liquor store and buy a bottle of wine, but I don't do it. I don't need alcohol to get me through my depression anymore. I am strong. I can be there for myself, sober. I cut someone out who I really relied on. Someone who made me very happy, until that person didn't anymore. I went through a hard discovery with that person, well, many hard discoveries. Sometimes people walk away, even when that person is the only one you know who understands what you are going through, and you don't get to know all of the reasons why. You just keep moving forward. And that is what I have done. I got myself through my depression and here I am today. Happy.
I will be moving to Thailand next month for an ESL job. We finally got the airplane ticket situation worked out. I'll be going to Tokyo for two days before Thailand, and then spending a couple of days in Bangkok before I'm shipped off to the unknown. I will be teaching in a small town where English isn't widely spoken. I should be terrified, but I'm not. This will give me the opportunity to become fluent in Thai much quicker than I would in other parts of the country. It will also give me the opportunity to disconnect from the world and focus on growing as a person in every way I can grow.
I've gotten into astrology lately. I have a book which I've taken notes from, so I can study them while in Thailand. Astrology is something I've always been passionate about, and it's time I understand more than my Libra Sun sign.
My latest confession: I can't stop buying poetry books. I love poetry. This has been a fact for years now. But lately I have found so many incredible books of the most beautiful poetry I have ever read. I love reading through the poems and dissecting them, trying to figure out why the author picked that particular word or why one word got a line of its own. I think of what would happen to the poem if you shifted the placement of certain words or cut out an entire line altogether. Poetry is a never ending process that I will never get sick of studying or writing.
I've been taking walks almost every day. It's been important for me to get out of the house and move. I'm so used to being cooped up inside for days at a time (I put the 'i' in introvert), and I just decided that I have to start taking better care of myself. This is a start to improving myself physically for my own well-being.
I think this is all I have to share for now. I hope you all have had a lovely few months. Hopefully I will be back another day with another post.
Till then,
Shannon
Check out my previous post here.
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